Life is a Chapter of Goodbyes
by sweetkiwi604
Summary: Abigail thought she had it all. Two brothers and a father who would do anything for her, a loving husband and a daughter but what happens when her world starts to crumble and she goes back to hunting after four years on the sidelines. Sister fic. Co-written by the amazing xoloveJBox!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: I don't own anything having to do with Supernatural only Abigail, Emma and Christian belong to me. **

**Just a quick shout out to wandertogonder, Jenmm31, and Hanna West who let me bounce some ideas off of them for this story.**

Dean-28

Abigail-26

Sam-24

Christian-28

Emma Deanne-4

**Prologue**

My name is Abigail McCrery, daughter of John and the late Mary Winchester. I have an older brother Dean and a younger brother Sam but growing up the only girl in a family of all boys you would have thought I was the youngest. Six years ago I married the love of my life Christian when I was just twenty years old. My father disapproved at first until he realized Christian had been honorably discharged after doing his four years in the military and he proudly walked me down the aisle. Four years ago we were blessed with a daughter Emma Deanne who quickly stole the hearts of all the men in my life; she was just what we needed to pull this family together. Christian's parents had passed away when he was a teenager and he was an only child so when he met Sam and Dean they accepted him into the family as another brother. We bought a small house in upstate New York where we could raise Emma. I work as a waitress part-time in the local diner while, much to my objection, Christian hunts. Sam went to college at Stanford until a fire in his apartment killed his girlfriend, Jessica, and he has been on the road hunting with Dean ever since.

**Chapter 1**

"Momma, when's daddy coming home?" Emma asked as she colored at the kitchen table.

"I don't know, honey," I answered with a sigh as I washed our dinner dishes in the sink.

"Why's daddy always away?"

"He's working."

"What does he do? Maggie says her daddy works in a factory where they make cheese."

"Daddy doesn't make cheese," I said with a small laugh.

"Well, when's grandpa going to visit again?" she asked still coloring away.

"I don't know," I repeated.

"What about Uncle Dean and Uncle Sammy?" she asked.

"They are all very busy," I replied as I started to rinse the dishes.

"But Uncle Dean says I'm his favorite girl," she said with a huge smile on her face as the phone started to ring.

"Grab that for me," I said since my hands were still soaked.

"Hello?" she answered the phone, "I was just talking about you!...ok, here she is…"

I took the phone from her after drying my hands on my apron, "Yeah?"

"So, Sam and I are out celebrating our last hunt and we realized we are only about fifty miles from you and I thought maybe we could swing by for a visit," Dean said on the other line and you could tell they were at another random bar probably hustling pool.

"Oh, so you have no more clean clothes and you want a shower that doesn't run out of hot water," I said as seriously as I could, "You're not just stopping by to see your goddaughter."

"Well I mean…it's just…" Dean stumbled over his words until he heard me laughing, "You're a bitch you know that."

"I know you tell me all the time but doors always open you know that, see you tomorrow then?"

"Yup," he answered and hung up.

"Well goodbye to you too," I said staring at the phone as I heard the dial tone.

"What did he say?" Emma asked anxiously as she bounced up and down on the chair.

"They will see you in the morning," I told her and smiled when her face completely lit up before running up the stairs to her room.

"I have so much to show them," she squealed.

I went back to finishing the dishes and cleaned up her crayons when Christian walked in the backdoor.

"Hey beautiful," he smiled as he dropped his duffle by the basement stairs.

"Hello," I said still trying to jam some crayons into the container.

"What's wrong?" he asked concerned about why he hadn't gotten his normal warm welcome.

"She's starting to ask questions Chris."

"Just tell her I'm out working," he said shrugging it off like he always did and reached into the fridge for a beer.

"You know how I feel about this, it's why I gave up hunting the day I found out I was pregnant, that little girl," I said pointing to the ceiling, "is not going to grow up with only one parent."

"Speaking of, what's she doing?" he asked changing the subject as we heard toys being thrown around her room.

"Dean and Sam are coming for a visit," I answered getting off my chair and angrily tossing his duffle over my shoulder.

"Babe, I know why you're worried but I'm fine," he tried as I opened our basement door.

"I'm going to go do laundry, you should go say hi to your daughter before she goes to bed," I stated before storming down the stairs.

I hated fighting with him but the last month of our lives it seemed like it was all that we did. We would fight about anything and everything from something as simple as what Emma was going to wear that day to something as big as whether he should take a case or not. I tried my best not to do it in front of Emma but I knew she must have overheard us when dad called me a few days ago asking if everything was ok.

I loaded the washer and took a few deep breaths trying to compose myself before making my way back upstairs. I came up to see Christian sitting in our recliner watching some football with another beer in hand.

"She's in bed waiting for you," he said without taking his eyes off of the television.

I went upstairs to her room and saw her out of bed and standing on the heating vent so she could look out the window.

"Ahem," I cleared my throat to get her attention, "What are you doing?"

"Looking for the pala," she answered turning to look out the window again.

"Alright, you," I said walking over and picking her up in my arms, "It's time for bed."

"But I want to wait up until they get here," she whined crossing her arms as I sat her back on her bed.

"They won't be here to morning, so I want you to go to sleep and I promise when you wake up they'll be here," I said tucking her in.

"Promise?" she asked.

"I promise Emma Deanne," I said before leaning over to kiss her on the head, "Angels are watching over you."

I sat in the rocking chair in the corner of the room until she fell asleep before going back downstairs.

"She asleep?" Christian asked as I sat down on the couch.

"Yeah," I answered through a yawn.

"Why don't you head up to bed," he suggested.

"Chris we need to talk about this," I sighed as I ran my hand through my hair.

He turned the television off before getting off the recliner and walking over to me with his hands out, "There's always tomorrow, let's just go to bed."

I knew we had to talk about this but all I really wanted to do was go to sleep. After turning all the lights off and making sure all doors were locked we went upstairs and I fell asleep contently wrapped in his arms.

I woke up to the sound of glass shattering and the sound of Emma screaming bolted me out of bed and down the hall quicker than I thought was even possible. I ran into her room to see the glass from her window all over the floor and her sobbing uncontrollably on her bed. I scooped her up and surveyed her for any injuries which thankfully there were none.

"Chris!" I yelled I held her in my arms and she clung to me for dear life. When he didn't answer I got nervous and that's when I noticed the drops of blood on the carpet.

I flew down the stairs with Emma and dialed the number I had memorized years ago.

"Sorry Abs, we kind of got sidetracked…" Dean said as he answered his phone but stopped when he heard Emma and me crying, "What happened?"

"Chris is gone."

**A/N: Continue with this or no?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: I don't own anything having to do with Supernatural only Abigail, Emma and Christian belong to me. **

Chapter 2

I reluctantly sat Emma down on the recliner in the living room as I started throwing things out of the closet to get to the shotgun I had hidden in there.

"Momma, I'm scared," she whimpered curling herself up into a ball.

"I know baby," I answered as I grabbed the gun and sat with her on the chair, "We are going to sit right here until Uncle Dean and Uncle Sam come, ok?"

"What if the man comes back?" she asked so quietly I almost didn't hear her.

"What man?" I questioned turning her around so I could look in her eyes.

She seemed too scared to answer like she was going to get in trouble.

"Emma Deanne, I need to know everything you saw tonight," I said sternly.

"I…I don't know," she said with tears flowing down her cheeks.

"Did you see the man's eyes?" I asked trying to get any bit of information as I could.

"They looked scary," she cried.

I took a deep breath before asking the question I was most dreading, "Was his eyes yellow?"

"No," she shook her head and I let out a small sigh of relief until she continued, "they were black like Uncle Dean's pala."

"Damn it," I cursed furious when I realized I had scared Emma with my outburst, "You did good baby, you did good."

We sat in the recliner, Emma curled up on my lap with my left arm around her protectively and my right hand firmly on the shot gun. It wasn't long until Emma had fallen asleep and I sat in silence praying to hear the familiar sound of the Impala when I thought back to Emma's second birthday.

**FLASHBACK**

_I had reminded the men in my family several times that Emma's birthday was coming up and I wanted us all together to celebrate. They all said they would be here no matter what but tomorrow was her birthday and no one had showed up yet and no one had called. I knew that there were evil things out in the world that didn't take a day off for a little girl's birthday but it didn't make me any less disappointed especially when I tucked Emma in that night._

"_You know what tomorrow is?" I asked sitting on the side of her new big girl bed she insisted on sleeping in._

"_Birfday?" she questioned._

_I couldn't help but laugh at the way she said it, "Yes, your birthday is tomorrow. And what do you want for your birthday big girl?"_

_She scrunched her face as she thought really hard about it before she answered, "Pala!"_

"_I'll see what I can do," I winked at her before leaning over and kissing her forehead, "Angels are watching over you."_

_I sat in the rocking chair until she fell asleep like I had done every night since she came home from the hospital before leaving her to dream world where she could be the princess in a beautiful kingdom._

_The next day she woke Christian and me up by jumping on the bed._

"_Birfday! Birfday! Birfday!" she yelled excitedly._

"_It's my birthday?" Christian questioned._

"_No my birfday, dada!" she said with wide eyes as if he had forgotten._

"_Well then the tickle monster needs to get…" he started with his hands coming towards her._

"_Momma!" she finished and they both turned and tickled me._

_The three of us rolled around on the bed taking turns tickling and tackling one another when I suddenly stopped._

"_What is it?" Christian asked from underneath Emma as she sat on his head._

"_They came," I smiled quickly getting out of bed and throwing my robe on as I heard the familiar sound of the Impala pull into the driveway._

"_Who?" Christian asked getting out of bed and carrying Emma with him._

"_Her birthday presents," I answered as I ran down the stairs and opened the front door just as Sam was about to knock, "It's about time!"_

"_Well we heard it was some little girl's birthday," Dean said pushing through the front door with a few large boxes and looking around the living room._

"_That and you threatened bodily harm if we didn't show," Sam whispered in my ear as he gave me a hug. I was actually surprised to see him so soon after Jessica had passed away but was relieved that he seemed to be handling it ok._

"_Unca De!" Emma squealed as Christian set her down and she ran right into Dean's waiting arms._

"_Wow, you're getting big. What are you thirty now?" Dean teased as he picked her up._

"_I's two," she said holding up two fingers._

"_Em, it's I am two," Sam corrected her with his arms out to take her from Dean to say hello._

_Dean rolled his eyes as he handed her over, "Be right back we have a few things in the car."_

"_I'll get them," Christian offered sliding on his shoes and heading out the door._

"_You know you could have at least brushed it," Dean joked as he tousled my hair._

"_Well at least I don't look like mop," I laughed amazed at how long Sam's hair had gotten._

"_Doggy," Emma smiled and patted Sam's head causing us all to laugh, even Sam._

"_Alright shaggy, time to give her back," Dean said with his arms out for her._

"_What did you guys do buy out the store?" Christian asked walking back in the door with bags lining both arms._

"_She only turns two once," Dean said as shifted her in his arms._

"_Dean, for my sixteenth birthday you bought me socks."_

"_I like her better," he smirked._

"_Presents!" she squealed._

"_She definitely has your volume," Dean winced as he rubbed his ear._

"_I'm not that loud!" I argued and everyone busted out laughing until I turned and glared at Christian._

"_So…I'll go make coffee," he said quickly disappearing into the kitchen._

"_Presents! Presents! Presents!" Emma bounced up and down in Dean's arms._

"_Did I hear someone asking for presents?" Dad asked as he walked in the front door._

"_Papa!" Emma smiled and wiggled to get down so she could go say hi._

_With Emma securely in one arm he wrapped the other around my shoulders and pulled me into a hug when Christian came back in the room._

"_You taking good care of my girls?" Dad questioned releasing his hold on me and extending his hand._

"_Yes sir," Christian answered shaking his hand._

"_Papa presents!" Emma said tugging at the collar of his jacket._

"_Like this one?" he asked pulling out a small pink box with a yellow bow on it._

_She nodded excitedly as he sat down on the couch with her on his lap._

"_You going to stare at it all day or open it?" Dean teased as she held the small box in her hands._

_She tore the paper off and with dad's help opened the box to see a small silver charm bracelet we all knew was for protection._

"_Pwetty," she said holding it up._

"_It's something that you keep on and never take off, ok?" Dad told her as he secured it around her wrist._

"_Mmk," she nodded innocently._

"_I'm next," Sam said setting a rather heavy box on the floor in front of her._

_She tore the paper off and stared at the cardboard box disappointed until Sam showed her where to open it. Big surprise…it was books._

"_You bought her an encyclopedia set?" Dean said shocked._

"_It's the children's addition," he said pulling the books out to show they had more pictures than words in them._

"_Nerd," Dean mumbled._

"_Yeah and what did you get her?" Sam challenged as Emma crawled into the box the encyclopedia set came in._

"_Something every little kid needs," Dean said with a mischievous grin on his face._

"_I don't know if I like the sound of that," I admitted trying to think of what he could have possibly gotten for her._

"_Trust me she'll love it," Dean said placing an even bigger box next to the one she was in._

"_Looks like she loves the box," Christian commented as she curled up so you couldn't see her unless you looked over the side._

"_Come here and open your present from your favorite uncle," Dean said lifting her out of the box and showing her the bigger on he had set next to it._

_She tore the paper off and got wide eyed when Dean pulled it out of the box with Sam's help._

"_Dean you didn't," I said in shock as I stared at the power wheels car that sat in my living room._

"_It has four speeds, goes forwards and backwards and even has its own trunk," he said proudly._

"_Pala," Emma said pointing to her new motorized car._

"_Jeep," Dean corrected her and it was Sam's turn to roll his eyes._

_I went and made breakfast for everyone as they took her outside to try out her new power wheels. We spent the rest of the day laughing and forgetting that there was anyone else left in the world. Before I would let anyone go I had Christian grab the camera and set the timer so we could all get a picture together. _

**PRESENT**

My eyes caught that picture on the mantle and it seemed like a different lifetime. Sam held Emma in his arms while I was sandwiched between Dean and Christian with dad standing behind us.

It wasn't long until I heard the familiar sound of the Impala coming up the road and coming to a screeching halt in the driveway. Dean and Sam barreled through the door with guns in hand until they noticed Emma asleep in my lap.

"What happened?" Dean asked immediately in a hushed voice so he wouldn't wake Emma.

"Are you alright?" Sam added coming to kneel next to where we were sitting.

"I don't know," I said answering both questions at the same time and I could see Dean scanning Emma and I for any visible injuries.

I shifted in the chair and handed Emma over to Sam as carefully as I could so I wouldn't wake her. I went into the kitchen and grabbed my car keys before shoving them into Sam's hand.

"I need you to get her out of her, a couple of towns over there is a motel called The Roosevelt Inn," I told him as I grabbed her jacket out of the closet and slipped it on.

"What about you?" Sam asked shifting Emma so that her head lay against his shoulder.

"Sam, you can't let her out of your sight even for a minute," I said kissing her on the forehead.

"Abs," Sam tried again.

"I need to find him, Sammy."

I saw Dean nod to Sam as if to say 'listen to what she said, I'll stay and make sure she's ok'.

Sam nodded back and left without another word and as soon as we heard my car start up Dean took me by the shoulders.

"What happened?"

"You tell me," I said moving out from his grasp and climbing the stairs with him following close behind.

He froze when he saw the mess in Emma's room.

"I was sleeping I heard the glass shatter and Emma scream but by the time I got here he and whatever took him was gone," I said trying to keep my emotions in check.

Dean walked over to the window and looked out expecting to see God knows what when he bent down and ran his finger along the heater.

"Sulfur," he said showing me the powder on his fingers.

"Dean he's bleeding," I said pointing to the small puddle I hadn't noticed earlier and few drops that was on the floor, "You don't think…I mean he can't be…"

"Hey, he's fine until we know otherwise, you hear me?"

"Yeah," I said softly as I bit my cheek in hopes of keeping the tears from starting.

"We should go meet Sam, it's not safe here."

I went and changed out of my pajamas and pulled out Christian's duffle. Dean kept a watchful eye on me as I silently packed a bag for Emma and threw my stuff in his duffle. I went down in the kitchen and fished through the junk drawer to find our emergency cell phone before we left the house and I slid into the passenger seat of the Impala.

"I called dad, he's on his way but he's about an hour behind us," Dean said as we drove to the motel, "I'll call him again once we get to the motel and tell him where to meet us."

I nodded my head so he knew I heard him and stared out the window into the night praying Christian was ok.

"Was Christ out on a hunt recently?"

Again I nodded and continued to stare out the window.

"Ok…do you know what he was hunting?"

I shook my head in the negative and could hear Dean sigh loudly at my lack of answers. At some point Dean must have called Sam to find out what room they were in because as Dean parked the car he pointed to room 28.

"Go on, I'll grab the bags."

I walked into the room and saw Emma peacefully sleeping on the bed furthest from the door and Sam sitting next to her with the TV on mute and Dean walked in a second behind me.

"Abby…" Sam started breaking the silence as I stood there and watched Emma sleep.

Truth be told if I hadn't carried her for nine months and she didn't have the Winchester smile you wouldn't even know she was my daughter. She had Christian's beautiful auburn hair, blue eyes and even a blanket of freckles across her nose.

"She saw it," I said softly as a tear rolled down my cheek.

"She'll be ok," Sam said trying to reassure me.

"Come on, why don't you get some sleep," Dean said motioning to the other bed.

"No, I can't sleep, not until I know he's ok."

"Then I'm going to run out and grab coffee, you going to be alright?" Dean questioned and I nodded, "We'll find him, Abs."

Dean and Sam had another mini conversation with their facial expressions and under different circumstances I would have yelled at them for leaving me out but right now I couldn't be bothered. After a few more moments Dean slipped out the door to go grab the coffee.

"Dad's on his way," Sam said hoping to cheer me up.

"I know Dean told me," I said sitting down on the empty bed and watching Emma as if I took my eyes off of her she was going to disappear, "She was so scared…she said there was a man in her room with black eyes…and the blood on the floor…"

"Nothing is going to happen to her," Sam said walking over to their weapon bag and pulling out a small silver knife and my old .45 I had given them when I gave up hunting and handed them to me.

I checked the .45 for ammo before sticking it in the small of my back and placed the knife in my boot when I heard a phone ringing.

"Sam, answer it before Emma wakes up."

"It's not mine," he said holding up his phone.

I quickly pulled out our emergency phone and answered it, "Hello?"

"Abigail."

"Chris?" I questioned in surprise.

"I need…call…brothers…in old warehouse…17…beautiful…" I could hear through the static.

"Chris?...Christian!?" I yelled into the phone before realizing the call had cut out.

"Momma?" Emma called out sleepily.

"Hey baby look who's here," I said pointing to Sam, "Momma needs to run out for a little bit so you're going to have a sleep over with him, ok?"

"Uncle Sammy," she smiled crawling out of bed and running over to him.

I grabbed my car keys off the table and shoved the cell phone back in my pocket.

"Abby, where are you going?" Sam asked holding Emma in his arms.

"I need to get him back, Sam," I said with my hand on the door handle.

"At least wait until Dean gets back," Sam tried, "Abby it isn't safe!"

"Whatever you do don't let her out of your sight," I told him before closing the door and getting in my car.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: I don't own anything having to do with Supernatural only Abigail, Emma and Christian belong to me. **

**The next chapter will be longer and even more amazing because I have the very talented xoloveJBox co-writing it with me **

Chapter 3

I didn't have much to go off of but I knew Christian was in danger and that every second counted. What he said on the phone kept playing through my mind like a broken record…old warehouse…17…old warehouse…17…old warehouse…17, I just had to figure out which one and fast. There were four that I knew about but only two were off of Route 17 but without having any other information I was going to have to check both.

I pulled up to the first warehouse and I would have been lying if I didn't say that I was terrified. I was born and raised a hunter but after being out of 'the business' for over four years I was rusty at best. I re-checked the clip in my .45 before grabbing a flashlight out of the glove box and cautiously making my way into the building. I knew the bullets wouldn't kill a demon but it would slow them down if they had no feet to chase me with. The old metal door creaked louder than I would have liked and I slightly cringed praying no one heard it. After checking every inch of the place and almost shooting a couple of rats when they decided to run out in front of me, I quickly got back to the car and sped towards the only other warehouse he could be in.

The adrenaline started coursing through my veins causing my hands to shake as I weaved in and out of traffic cursing at the car for not going fast enough. When I finally made it to the warehouse I was back in hunter mode, cutting the engine of the car and turning the headlights off so I wouldn't draw attention to myself. I took the rosary beads that were hanging from the rearview mirror and stuff them in my pocket. I easily scaled the fence and crept along the shadows of the building trying to find a way inside when I saw the water pipes for the building. I took the rosary beads back out of my pocket and chanted the words that had been drilled into my head for as long as I could remember before dropping them into the drain. I was about to start walking when I heard footsteps so I pressed my back up against the building to stay hidden.

I listened for a minute and when I didn't hear anything I started walking again with my gun raised just in case. Just as I turned the corner I came face to face with a man in his early forties holding a crowbar loosely in his right hand.

"Well, what do we have here?" He asked blinking his eyes and looking up at me with black saucers but before I had a chance to do anything he hit me over the head and everything went black.

**General Point of View**

Sam wanted nothing more than to go after his sister but with no car and no one to watch Emma he had to just sit and anxiously wait for someone to come back to the room.

"Uncle Sammy, can we watch 'toons?" Emma asked sticking her bottom lip out slightly.

Sam couldn't help but smile at the pure innocence of the little girl in front of him, "Em, that look doesn't work with your mother and it doesn't work with you, now you need to get to sleep."

"You're no fun, Uncle Dean would let me," she said before sticking her tongue out as if to prove a point.

"Well, he's not here right now is he?" Sam told her not meaning to take his aggravation out on her but he couldn't imagine what was taking Dean so long to grab coffee and as if on cue Dean walked in the room with a tray.

"Uncle Dean!" Emma squealed in excitement as she ran over and hugged his knees.

Dean set the coffee on the nearby table so he could bend down and pick her up, "How's my favorite girl?"

"Uncle Sammy's being mean," she pouted and waited expectantly for Dean to do something about it.

"Isn't he always," Dean mumbled and noticed for the first time that his sister wasn't in the room, he thought for a minute and didn't remember seeing her car in the parking lot either, "Where's your mom?"

Emma shrugged and answered, "She says I get to have a sleep-over with you guys!"

"Emma, it isn't a sleep-over unless you go to sleep," Sam said speaking up.

"He's right, kiddo," Dean said carrying her over to the bed furthest from the door and tucking her in, "Uncle Sam and I are going to go talk for a minute but we will be right outside the door, ok?"

Emma gave a feeble nod in response and Dean nearly pushed Sam out the door needing answers.

"What the hell happened?" Dean asked as soon as he closed the door.

"I don't know," Sam replied truthfully, "She got a call from Chris and she left."

"Damn it, Abigail," Dean growled in frustration running a hand through his hair before turning his anger towards Sam, "Why didn't you go after her?"

"Are you forgetting your niece you just tucked in?" Sam yelled back, "I couldn't leave her alone!"

Dean didn't answer he knew Sam was right but his worry for his sister's safety clouded his judgment.

"We have to find her Dean," Sam spoke up after a minute of silence.

"Wait, you said Chris called her?" Dean asked trying to get all the information he could so he could form a plan.

"Yeah," Sam nodded.

"Track the GPS on her cell phone," Dean stated.

"I can't, it's an old one it doesn't have the ability, we'll have to think of another way," Sam replied mentally kicking himself for not getting her a newer cell phone for her last birthday but in all honesty he never thought she would need it.

"Dad will be here in about ten minutes," Dean brought up, wondering to himself how he was going to explain to his father that Abby went after it.

"Chris's," Sam muttered.

"What?" Dean questioned.

"I can track Chris's phone, dad had me do it a couple months ago," Sam said taking out his own cell phone and pulling up the internet.

**Abigail's Point of View**

"Abs…Abby…Abigail!" I heard Christian yell exhaustedly.

I slowly opened my eyes and lifted my head to see Chris and what I saw made my stomach turn. He had deep cuts all over his body, two black eyes and definitely a broken nose but what scared me the most was when he coughed and some blood dripped out of the corner of his mouth.

"Come on, beautiful you need to get out of here," he continued and I could hear that he was having a hard time breathing let alone speaking, "Abs…I'm sor…" he trailed off as his head started to loll to one side.

"Chris?" I called out anxiously as I fought against the rope that my hands were bound with, "Christian, you stay awake, you hear me?"

"Yeah," he mumbled almost incoherently.

I could feel the fibers in the rope cutting into my wrists as I pulled with all my might to get them out but I didn't care, I needed to get him out of here. After a few more seconds I finally freed my hands, I bent down and untied my feet before running over to Chris.

"Hey, hey, hey, I need you to stay awake," I said lightly tapping his cheek trying to keep him conscious. The swelling on his face was intense and within the few minutes I had been awake his left eye had completely swollen shut.

"I love you," he whispered as I untied him and carefully helped him to the floor.

"Don't you start that, we're going to get you out of here," I said taking off my long sleeved shirt to put under his head.

"Make sure Emma doesn't forget me," he said before starting another coughing fit.

"I'm not going to have too, you're going to be fine," I told him in a firm voice as I took my cell phone out to call an ambulance.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," the man from earlier said snatching the phone out of my hands and throwing it to the floor causing it to smash into a million pieces.

"Exercizo te, imundissime spiritus, ominis incursio adversarii…" I started chanting when he pinned me to the wall by my throat and squeezing his hand to cut off my air supply.

"Abby!" I heard Dean's voice coming from another room in the warehouse and then my dad's, "Abigail!"

"We'll have to finish this another time, kiss your daughter goodnight for me, would ya?" he winked as black smoke poured out of his mouth.

I fell to the floor and took a couple of deep breaths before crawling over to Chris who had stopped breathing. I checked for a pulse and when I didn't find one I started doing CPR.

"Come on, Christian," I yelled putting everything I had into pumping his chest.

I did a set of compressions and breaths and was on my second set by the time Dean and dad found the room we were in.

"I'm not ready to do this on my own," I said with a shaky voice after giving him two more breaths.

I barely noticed Dean reach down and check for a pulse as I continued compressions. He looked sadly over to where dad was checking the other body in the room and shook his head.

"Abby, he's gone," Dean said gently putting his hand on top of mine trying to stop me.

"No, no, we're going to get him out of here and he's going to be fine," I said shaking my head not ready to believe the words coming out of his mouth as I continued.

"Abigail, it's too late," Dad said coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

Seeing Christian laying dead on the concrete floor destroyed me to the point where I had to shut down emotionally for fear if I started crying I wouldn't be able to stop. Dad told Dean to take me back to the motel room to clean me up and he would clean up things in the warehouse before meeting us back there. I barely noticed Dean lifting me into his arms and walking out to the Impala. He didn't try to talk we just drove in silence back to the room. I numbly got out of the car and walked in the room to see Emma awake and watching cartoons.

"Abs?" Sam asked as he saw my vacant expression.

"Look momma, the Lion King is on," Emma said pointing to the television.

"I see," I said softly trying not to fall apart, I wouldn't cry, I couldn't.

"I should clean out your wrists," Dean said carrying in the makeshift first aid kit.

"Are you going to play doctor Uncle Dean?" Emma asked walking over and sitting next to him.

"Yeah kiddo, I am," he smiled at her, "Why don't you go finish your movie."

"Ok," she smiled and hoped off the chair to go back to the bed.

"Abs, what happened?" Sam asked softly coming to stand next to me as Dean poured peroxide over my wrists.

"Not now Sammy," Dean answered for me and I was grateful I didn't have to say the words.

I thought I would be able to get through the night if I just blocked everything out…that was until Emma asked the question that put the final hole in my heart.

"Momma, when's daddy coming home?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note: I don't own anything having to do with Supernatural only Abigail, Emma and Christian belong to me. **

**This chapter was co-written by the AMAZING xoloveJBox, so get out your tissues and remember to give kudos to her in your reviews!**

Chapter 4

"Momma, when's daddy coming home?" Emma repeated when I hadn't answered her.

This was one conversation I wish I could have avoided at all costs. I could see Dean and Sam watching me carefully probably trying to decide if they should say something or not but this was something I had to do no matter how much it killed me to do it.

"He isn't," I said very softly as Dean put the piece of paper tape on my wrist to hold the bandage on. My voice cracked slightly and threatened to break, so I cleared my throat in hopes of holding it together _just a little longer_.

"Ok," she shrugged and went back to watching her movie, blissfully unaware that anything was different.

I didn't want to correct her, I didn't want to be the one who broke her heart into a million pieces but it felt wrong lying to her, like somehow I was lying to Christian. I tried to collect my thoughts and push all of my emotions as far down as I could knowing I needed to be strong, for Emma and myself.

"Emma Deanne, I need to talk to you," I said as I walked over to where she was and sat next to her.

"Look momma, that mean lion just killed Simba's daddy," she pouted pointing to the television, "he doesn't have a daddy anymore, what's he going to do?"

With trembling fingers I took the remote off the bed and turned the television off trying, desperately to avoid the gazes of both brothers. I heard Sam sniff as if trying to hold in his own tears and Dean was about to try and take over but I put my hand up to stop him.

"I think he's going to be just fine because he has his whole family that's going to be watching after him," I started, trying to sound assuring like I knew what I was doing. Truth was, I'd never been so scared in my life and this wasn't something that salt or silver or holy water could keep at bay.

"But what about his daddy?" she asked and I realized I was just confusing her more.

I got off the bed and kneeled in front of her holding onto the side of the bed so I wouldn't fall over, "Honey, I need to talk to you about your daddy."

"He's working again, isn't he?" she asked with a little disappointment in her voice. I knew she missed him when he left to go on hunts and now I had to be the one to tell her that she would never see him again.

"No, he's not. Emma, daddy went up to heaven tonight to be with the angels," I said and could feel the tears threatening to fall from my eyes so I slightly lifted my head and blinked a few times to keep them in.

"When's he coming back?" she questioned turning her head to the side like a lost puppy.

"He's not baby," I said softly trying to get her to understand something that I wasn't even sure if I completely understood.

"Was I a bad girl?"

I couldn't take it anymore, I knew she wasn't saying these things to hurt me but looking into her innocent eyes…Christian's eyes, I just couldn't do it anymore and I took her face in my hands so I had her full attention.

"You are a very, very good girl and daddy wanted you to know that he loves you very much," I said but had to stop to keep the tears in again, so I forced the biggest smile I could muster onto my face, "Now why don't you get dressed and Uncle Dean and Uncle Sam are going to take you out for breakfast…I even think they said something about you getting chocolate milk and the biggest plate of French toast you can eat."

"Really?" she asked excitedly looking over to Dean and Sam.

"Sure thing, kid," Dean nodded though a forced smile.

"Ok," she said getting off the bed and walking over to Sam who was pulling clean clothes out of the bag I had packed for her.

I didn't move from my spot as I gripped the comforter in my hands and took a few deep breaths before finally standing up. I could feel Dean watching me like I was about to shatter and fall apart at any minute but I couldn't. I needed to be strong for Emma, I wanted desperately not to be the one Dad and Sam pitied because they had been through the same thing and I wanted revenge on the demon that took my Christian away from me but mostly I was terrified, terrified that the demon was going after Emma that night and that he would try again to take her away from me. There was a small part, a little sister part, of me that wanted Dean to take me in his arms and make it all better like he used to when I had a bad dream but somehow I didn't think it was going to help this time.

Sam, Dean and Emma were all in the room, Dad wasn't far away, but I felt totally alone and like the room was getting smaller by the minute, I was suffocating. I knew that Sam and Dad had experienced the same thing, losing their other halves, but I'd lost my _better_ half. Christian had been my everything. He'd given me my child. Without him, I would have never left 'the business' and I might have already been dead. I couldn't wrap my head around what had happened. It felt like a bad dream, and I prayed harder than I ever had that soon I would wake up, that this would be over and I'd laugh at the absurdity of it all. It didn't make sense that there were so many things I'd never have again.

I'd never wake up to the smell of coffee, because Christian was a stupidly early riser. I'd never hear him call me cute nicknames that got weirder every time, that he seemed to make up on the spot. He'd never play with my hair, or snore too loud, or wrap his arm around me in the middle of the night giving me a sense of security. He wouldn't see Emma's first day of school, or threaten to shoot her prom date, or see her graduate. He wouldn't walk her down the aisle. I'd never hear the two of them giggling together over a secret I wasn't a part of. Emma would never need to sneak in, in the middle of the night because she missed curfew and daddy would be mad as hell.

Looking at Emma, she looked more like Christian than ever. It was scary really, they shared the same eyes, her hair had the same flick, and they both had the same look of sheer concentration and dedication etched on their faces with whatever they did, no matter how small or inconsequential. In fact, they were so similar that you wouldn't even know she had any Winchester in her at all if it wasn't for that smirk that came across her face when she was about to do something she wasn't supposed to.

"You should probably change too," Sam suggested, pulling me out of my thoughts, motioning to the blood I had on my shirt, Christian's blood.

"I'm not going with you," I said folding my arms over my stomach trying to hide the stains.

"You need to eat something," Dean said speaking up and I could tell the over-protective brother mode had kicked in.

"Then bring me back something," I replied looking into his eyes hoping he would just leave it alone, leave _me_ alone, because seriously I wasn't in the mood. "Please," I pleaded softly, hoping that Sammy would understand better than anyone, "I just need some time."

"We're only a phone call away," Sam said stepping forward to give me a hug goodbye but I took a step back knowing I wouldn't be able to keep my wall up.

"Please, just go," I whispered putting the back of my hand up to my mouth and swallowing the lump that had started to grow in my throat.

"Uncle Dean, can I really get chocolate milk?" Emma questioned innocently, tugging at the bottom of his leather jacket. She still seemed totally oblivious to what was going on, and I never thought there'd be a day that I envied my four year old.

"You can have anything you want," he said as he lifted her into his arms and turned to look at me again, "Are you sure you want to stay here?"

I just nodded in response not trusting my voice not to crack and they finally left. The moment they were far enough away so I couldn't hear the Impala's engine anymore I felt like I could breathe again. Sam was right though, I should change out of the clothes I had been wearing. I went through all the movements of taking a shower and putting clean clothes on almost robotically. It was when I went to brush my hair out that I looked at myself in the mirror. Besides the bandages on my wrists from where the rope had cut into them, I had a bump on the side of my head from getting knocked out and a bruise in the shape of a handprint was forming on my neck. I had been luckily and I hated myself for it, I should have fought harder, I should have never been caught, I should have picked the right warehouse and not wasted precious time.

I walked out of the bathroom and took out the bottle of whiskey I knew Dean always kept in his duffle. There was nothing more that I wanted than to make myself numb to the pain that was tearing at my heart. I sat down on the bed and rolled the cool bottle in between my hands before taking the top off. I raised the bottle but before the comforting liquid could touch my lips I saw Emma's hairclip sitting on the dresser and I was reminded of how she would need me to be strong.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when the lock on the door clicked open and my dad walked into the room, apparently at some point in time Sam or Dean had given him a key.

"Where's Emma?" Dad asked looking around the empty room.

"Diner," I replied simply as he came over and took the bottle out of my hands.

"There's something we need to talk about Abby since she isn't here," he started as he pulled out two glasses and filled them half way. Firm and efficient, business as usual. I didn't answer so he continued, "We need to figure out what you are going to tell people, you guys were too involved with the community for you to just disappear without questions being raised."

I nodded not sure of what to say and he handed me my drink. I honestly couldn't have cared less at that moment, but it was easier to nod and pretend that I was interested than to let myself feel anything. I took the glass in my hand and swirled the liquid around still half-heartedly trying to convince myself not to drink it.

"You know we usually have to salt and burn the body," Dad started again but I cut him off.

"Christian, Dad, it's my Chris not a body," I said sharply, biting the side of my cheek to keep the tears in. Dad didn't seem to understand that, I mean with mom and Jessica there was nothing left after the fire.

"I know which is why I was going to suggest having him cremated, and have the ashes put in a coffin so we could have a proper military funeral," he explained softly. It took a few seconds for my brain to register what he was saying, but when it did, I dragged my eyes from the dirty motel carpet and blinked up at my Dad, half surprised that he'd had time to think of a plan, and half relieved that he had, "He may not have died fighting for our country but he died protecting my girls and that deserves a hero's goodbye. I know a few people that I can call and set everything up so you won't have to worry about it, if that's what you want," he offered gently. Dad and I had never exactly seen eye-to-eye on certain things, but in that moment I'd never felt closer to him, and it was the closest thing to what I actually wanted that I was going to be allowed.

I knew that's what Christian would have wanted but I kept getting stuck on words like cremated…coffin…died.

"Set it up," I told him stoically, raising the glass to my lips dejectedly and giving in to the need for comfort.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note: I don't own anything having to do with Supernatural only Abigail, Emma and Christian belong to me. **

**Another chapter co-written by the AMAZING xoloveJBox, so if you had to use a tissue last time get out the box we have a tearjerker for you! Remember to tell her how wonderful she is in your reviews!**

Chapter 5

That one drink, turned into two, then three and even four; that was mistake number one. I half expected Dad to say something, hell anything but he sat at the small table in the motel room silently pouring me another glass as if it was the only comfort he knew had to give. After the fifth one my body finally gave into the exhaustion and I fell asleep on one of the beds; that was mistake number two.

I started dreaming of my life, the day I had first been introduced to Christian. It was at some no-name bar in a town so small that if you blinked you would have missed it. If I'd known then just how significant that little bar was going to be, I might have taken the time to remember its name. Dean and I had decided to go in and celebrate after a simple salt and burn Dad had sent us on. We both were covered in dirt from digging the grave but didn't care to go back to the motel to change because let's face it, who are you going to meet at a bar only big enough for five stools, three tables and two dart boards? It wasn't even big enough to fit a pool table. Dean had wandered over to one of the dart boards where there were a couple of guys playing and I sat at the bar lost in my own thoughts. About an hour later Dean walked over with one of the guys that he was playing darts with and introduced us. His name was Christian and he was in the military. Just home for a visit. Dean left him standing there with me while he went to the bathroom and after several failed attempts to ask me out on a date I finally gave him my number and told him to call me when he was out of the service and we would go out on a date, imagine my surprise when he actually called.

My dream then jumped to our first date, something that I had tried to get out of but felt guilty and went anyways. Needless to say I had never had so much fun in all my life. I was a little confused and shocked to say the least when he pulled up to the arcade but we had a blast playing miniature golf, racing the go karts and we even tried out batting practice. It was probably things that Christian was used to doing, most likely things he'd done as a kid, but it was a totally new experience to me, to just be normal. I'd never experienced such juvenility before, and in any other situation, it would have been off-putting to me. But there was just something about the easy air that surrounded Christian that made it hard for me to be anxious or defensive around him. It was the first night of many to come that was filled with laughter and complete happiness. It was also the night of our first kiss and to be honest I was so nervous that I nearly missed but the fireworks that went off when our lips touched made me realize he was the one for me. It sounds clichéd, but it's true.

The next memory was the night before we got married and I had cold feet, to the point where I almost called the whole thing off despite the fact that the boys had gone out and rented what they called 'monkey suits'. Six years later and I can still remember every word that Christian said to me that night.

"Forever can never be long enough for me to feel like I've had long enough with you," he told me taking my hand in his. I remember letting out a little giggle over how cheesy he sounded, but in my head and my heart, I knew I'd never be lucky enough to meet a better human being, never mind one that seemed to love me as much as I loved him.

I don't know how long I slept for but I know I woke with a smile on my face that quickly fell as I took in the run down motel room around me.

"Hey, you're up," Dean commented sitting on the other bed flipping through the channels of the television; "I didn't wake you, did I?"

I shook my head and then realized Emma wasn't in the room with us. Not being totally awake or completely sober I jumped out of bed frantic that something had happened to her.

"What's wrong?" Sam questioned standing up from his seat as Dean turned the television off, concern etched into their features as they were clearly trying, and failing, to work out what I was doing.

"Where's Emma?" I barked, darting over to the bathroom to check if she was there, seeing it empty. Panic crept in and blurred any rational thinking I may or may not have been capable of right at that moment, "You were supposed to watch her, you should have never left her out of your sight…where is she?!" I couldn't help but yell as I pulled on my shoes determined to go looking for her.

I could see Dean and Sam looking at each other probably trying to figure out why I had woken up and freaked out.

"Relax," Sam said in a gentle voice, "Dad took her to the playground so you could get some sleep."

It took a few minutes for the words to sink in that she was safe and not in any danger, "She's with Dad?" I asked softly, raking a hand through my hair and taking a deep breath to calm my heart, which felt like it was going to beat out of my chest at any moment.

"Do you want to go meet them?" Dean offered, taking a few steps tentatively towards me.

I shook my head and went looking around the room for the bottle of whiskey, for the comfort it gave me. I found it with just enough in the bottom for one shot. Without even grabbing a glass I took the cap off, put the bottle to my lips and held it there until I got every last drop.

Sam walked over and took the bottle out of my hands, "He wouldn't want this." There was nothing patronizing in his voice, but it still made me feel like a child. In my head, I let out a bitter laugh. My little brother was making me feel five years old again. The worst part was that I didn't even care.

I couldn't say anything. I mean really, what was there to say? I knew Christian wouldn't want me doing it but he wasn't _here_ and the hole in my heart felt like it was getting bigger as the seconds ticked by.

"I know how you're feeling and I know it hurts," Sam continued as he tried to put his arm around me but I moved out of the way.

"No, Sam, you don't know how I am feeling," I stated sharply, and it came out sounding angry as I nearly ran to the bathroom and slammed the door. The only escape I had to separate myself from them.

It was only a few seconds later that Sam was knocking at the door, "Please, Abs, I just want to help," he sounded so broken but again I had no words.

I turned the shower on and let the steam fill the room as I slid to the floor trying to get a hold of myself, I would not cry…no I could not cry, just one tear and it would be all over. I pulled my knees up to my chest and tried to focus on keeping a steady flow of oxygen traveling to my lungs. It would be too easy-_so damn easy_- to let myself…stop. I couldn't think like that. It wouldn't be fair to my brothers, it wouldn't be fair to my father, and it sure as hell wouldn't be fair to my daughter, the only part of Christian I had left. She didn't understand what was going on, and I couldn't find a way to make her without breaking her heart and further destroying my own.

I don't even know how long I sat in the bathroom for. It felt like hours, and it might have been, but I couldn't bring myself to care. Eventually, I found myself numb enough again to brave standing up, and once that was done; I took a deep breath before reaching out with trembling fingers to open the door.

Sam and Dean's heads shot up as soon as they heard the door open and I emerged. They looked relieved, but I was so sure I detected a flash of regret in their eyes, like they wished I'd stayed locked away where they didn't have to deal with me. I could feel them watching me as I shuffled over to one of the beds and sat down heavily. I spent a long few seconds rubbing my eyes wearily, and when I looked up again, Dean was standing in front of me, handing me a glass of water. I took it gratefully, though my face gave nothing away. I took a small sip and my body almost wanted to spit it back out, only wanting the comfort of alcohol at the moment.

"Abs," Sam started gingerly, "You need to talk about what happened eventually."

I felt a flash of anger course through me, and without really thinking, I tossed the glass at him. I wish I could say that I wasn't aiming for his head, but that would be a lie. I missed anyway. Figures. Water covered the floor and speckled Sam's shirt, both brothers looking at me with bewildered expressions and as the glass shattered on the floor something inside me snapped.

"Why, Sam?" I snapped harshly, a little louder than was really necessary, "What exactly is there to talk about? I had a husband, and now I don't. No amount of words is going to change that. Not now, not ever, so you might as well stow away your touchy-feely crap for someone who'll have a better use for it, Sam because I don't want it, and I sure as hell don't need it."

My whole body shook with anger in a kind of exhausted desperation that was all-consuming. I could feel myself swaying precariously, but I somehow managed to stay on my feet. I would have loved for unconsciousness to swallow me up right then and there, but just like every other thing in my life, I was cursed with Winchester luck, so I was left to suffer.

Any other time I would have felt bad for hurling a glass at my little brother, but as it stood, it left a taste in my mouth that for a second - _a fraction of a second_- made me feel better. I snatched up the first thing I could get my hands on; I think it was my phone, and threw that too. It hit the wall, and there was something satisfying about watching it smash into pieces. The glass and the phone had been inconsequential, but the next thing I set my hand on was the bedside lamp. My new-found strength let me rip it from the wall and it shattered into what seemed like a million pieces. I carried on destroying the room for what I suspected was twenty minutes. It didn't sound like long, but when you're as hell bent on making everything as broken as I felt, it was amazing how much damage I managed to do. I was vaguely aware of my brothers telling me to stop, to calm down, that they were there for me and that everything would be ok, but neither of them moved to stop me, other than to dodge the objects that ended up flying wildly around the room and to try and make sure I didn't hurt myself. I didn't hear the door open. I didn't hear Dad swearing. I did, however, hear Emma.

"Momma?"

Her voice was barely over a whisper but it pierced the void in my head, making me go limp. I barely managed to stay upright. Whatever had been in my hand fell out, thudded onto the floor but stayed intact. I slowly turned to face her, seeing the mess I'd made for the first time, with my daughter standing in the middle of it. Her brow was slightly furrowed, and her head leaned to the slightly to the side, confusion spreading across her face. I didn't want to, but I was sure I detected a hint of fear in her eyes too. I scrubbed a hand over my face and let out a shaky breath.

"I need to get out of here," I muttered, more to myself than to anyone else, but I stopped abruptly in front of Dean, "Can I borrow your car?" I asked quietly, holding my hand out for the keys after realizing I had no idea whatever happened to mine.

Dean let out a sigh, "I'm sorry Abigail," he said, barely above a whisper, "No."

I shoved my hand in my pocket indignantly, and tried to shrug it off.

"Fine," I huffed, feeling like a moody teenager again, "I'll walk."

It was good thing that I hadn't found the energy to take my shoes off, but it would have much difference, I needed to get away, I needed to find the air my lung so desperately craved. I strode angrily from the room, ignoring my Dad's yells for me to come back and I swore I could hear the cries of Emma. They tore at my insides, but the only thing I could do was add it to the list of things that was doing that to me, because the hits were coming so fast and frequent that I was finding it hard to work out what direction they were coming from. I only made it halfway across the parking lot before I heard Dean calling me from behind.

"Abby! Abigail, wait up!"

"I don't want to talk about it Dean," I nearly screamed, but managed to just shout instead. I clearly wasn't as fast as I thought I was, because he quickly caught up to me.

"Neither do I," he replied, feigning casualness, falling into step with me, "So how about we don't talk about it together, huh?"

I didn't answer, we just walked in silence and even though he was mere inches from me, I had never felt so alone and so terrified in all my life. I thought about finally breaking down and asking him, my big brother, my protector, to make it all better but there was that little voice in my head telling me to keep quiet. I had already scared my daughter with one outburst and I couldn't afford to breakdown again whether it was in front of her or not.

After awhile we circled back and headed towards the motel. The room was on its way to being cleared again. Dad looked up when I walked in, but my eyes searched only for Emma. She was asleep on Sam's lap, curled into a little ball while he ran his fingers gently through her hair, a little like the way I remembered doing for him once or twice, when his sleep was plagued with nightmares. I wanted so much to be able to scoop her up and hold her close to me, but I didn't. Her life had been uprooted so much, but she still thought it was a little adventure. The very least I could do was leave her with some uninterrupted slumber for awhile.

**Three Days Later**

Tuesday, a forgotten day of the week for most people, just a place holder waiting for tomorrow to come, kind of like the end piece of a loaf of bread. Without it the loaf wouldn't be complete but most people just throw it away and forget that it ever existed. I wish I could throw this Tuesday away; this was the day that we were going to the cemetery to burry Christian.

It had taken four days for Dad to get everything together; he even took the liberty of putting the funeral arrangements in the paper yesterday so that our neighbors would know how to pay their respects. It was four days of questions from Emma about where her daddy was, four days of wishing I knew how to answer her questions, and wishing that I didn't have to, four days of avoiding physical contact with anyone in my family in fears of breaking down, four days stuck in the dirty motel room…four days of beginning my forever without Christian.

We were supposed to be at the cemetery by 9:45 in the morning, the ceremony was to start precisely at 10:00 followed by a reception at the diner. The owners had graciously said that they wanted to provide coffee and treats for afterwards to celebrate Christian's life. Christian and Emma had frequently come in to see me while I was at work at least two days a week, usually more but never less. They told Dad that they were sad that Chris wasn't going to be a regular anymore and for me to take as much time as I had needed. The message was relayed to me, but it fell on deaf ears as I did all I could to keep myself together, feeling my foundations start to crack and crumble. Dad had everything set up to run like a well oiled machine right down to who needed to shower at what time and who was riding with whom.

Even if I never said it the gratitude I felt towards Sam for taking care of Emma these past few days was undeniable. I think he felt useful being able to talk to her and try and answer her questions since I refused to open up to anyone. He got her dressed and tied a black ribbon in her hair to keep it out of her eyes. I slipped into the dress my Dad had laid out for me to wear and I sat in front of the mirror running the brush through my hair several times, not wanting to look anything less than perfect for Christian. The repetitive motion was somewhat soothing, and at this point, I was willing to take that feeling wherever I could get it. I was so lost in thought trying to keep myself from shattering to pieces that I didn't even notice Emma make her way over to me.

"Momma," she said tapping my on the leg to get my attention, and I could swear I still saw a hint of fear in her eyes, "today's the day we get to see daddy, right?"

I opened and closed my mouth several times trying to figure out what to say, I opened my mouth to try and explain to her again that today was a day of saying goodbye but instead of words coming up, it was something else, I had to cover my mouth and quickly run to the bathroom, dropping to my knees in front of the toilet before emptying the contents of my stomach, choking out angry hiccups that weren't quite sobs. I was still adamant on that.

I could hear Dad and Sam packing Emma's things up for today and leaving the motel room. I also noticed Dean standing in the doorway of the bathroom clearly unsure of what to do. Any other day, for any other reason, he wouldn't have hesitated running in after me, holding my hair and rubbing soothing circles on my back but today he looked almost scared to be too close to me like I would literally break at his touch past the point of repair. I knew why he couldn't do it. He didn't know how to deal with what was going on. Although both my brothers would deny it, Sammy was a lot stronger then I was -always had been- so when Jess had died, Dean didn't need to think so much about what he had to do to make his little brother feel better. Me? I was usually the one to deal with the emotional side of things, especially after Emma was born. Now that the coin had flipped, no one really knew what to do with me, so I had to try and work it out for myself, although I was failing.

"I just need a minute," I said softly as I stood up and held the sides of the sink tightly, trying to convince myself that I could stand and my knees wouldn't buckle. I vigorously brushed my teeth trying to get the sour taste out of my mouth and almost laughed at myself when I thought about Christian always teasing me for showing up somewhere fifteen minutes early because I hated being late.

Dean and I drove in silence the only noise being the gentle roar of the Impala's engine. It was a beautiful fall day in upstate New York, the autumn leaves gave a warm and comforting feeling, there was a gentle warm breeze in the air that seemed to mock how I was feeling. It was the kind of weather that usually made Christian let go of his inhibitions, not that he had many, and he would randomly decide that we needed to take a walk together. He would bundle Em up in layers of warm, thick clothes, and once the idea of going to the park was in her head, the two of them would gang up on me until I gave in and went with them. The drive was much shorter than I had expected, much shorted than I had wanted and I almost couldn't force myself to get out of the car. Dean walked around to the passenger side door and opened if for me and offered his arm for support as I got out. I stared at it a minute but eventually gave in and held onto his arm as I walked across the uneven grass in my high heels. We could have taken the path, but that would have taken longer, and I wanted to make this as short as possible, so I could get it over with and try to pretend that it had never happened. If only I was that blessed. I tried avoiding the sympathetic looks I was getting from neighbors and Christian's military friends, most of who I hadn't seen since our wedding. I wasn't so lucky when one of the elders in our community stepped right in front of me, blocking our path, making it impossible to dodge her.

"Ms. McCrery, I'm so sorry for your loss," she said in a compassionate voice but the only thing that stood out in my mind was the 'Ms.'

"It's Mrs.," I growled, feeling myself get filled with anger again. Dean must have sensed it too since he quickly excused us, much to the woman's irritance apparently, and walked me down the aisle to our seats.

I sat in between Dean and Sam, just like we used to when we were younger, and Dad sat on the other side of Sam with Emma perched on his lap hugging her teddy bear close to her chest. The trumpets from the military band started playing signaling the start of the service and my hands visibly trembled not sure if I could handle this or not. For a second, I thought about darting out, but fear kept me rooted to my seat. And I was scared. Give me a Wendigo or a vampire or an angry spirit any day, but not this. _Anything but this_. The pastor stood up and read some scripture, there was a song that was sang, but I even if my life depended on it I wouldn't be able to tell you what it was. The service felt like it lasted for hours when they handed me a folded up flag and I held onto it tightly. Then the guns rang out one last shot and it felt like a bullet to my heart, as a single tear escaped and rolled down my cheek.

Everyone took their turns walking up to the casket and placing a hand on it saying their own individual goodbyes before filtering away. I sat there and waited until it was only me that was left, everyone had already left to go to the diner, Sam had Emma in his arms gently rocking her as her whole body shook with sobs. It seemed like she was finally beginning to realize that her daddy wasn't there the way she had expected him to be, and it killed me that it was Sam comforting her instead of me, but I just wouldn't have been able to do it. I'd have made things worse. I had a nasty habit of doing that. Hell, I'd met Christian, loved him with everything I had and more, and look how that ended. I vaguely recall hearing Dad tell me that he and Sam were going to take Emma over to the diner to get some food and that Dean was waiting by the Impala for whenever I was ready. I think I nodded in response but I'm not completely sure. I waited until I knew I was alone before setting the flag down on Sam's empty seat and finally standing up to walk the few feet in front of me to his casket.

"I was counting on forever," I whispered as another tear rolled down my cheek and I just couldn't hold them back anymore, "How am I supposed to do this alone?" I cried falling to my knees.

I jumped a little when I felt a hand on my shoulder and when I looked up through my tears I saw Dean kneeling next to me with watery eyes.

"This can't be happening," I cried as he pulled me into a fierce hug and I let out all the tears I had been holding, "This isn't real, this isn't happening," I kept repeating as he rocked me back and forth. I pulled away for a minute so I could look him in the eye, "help me wake up from this nightmare," I pleaded with him unable to take it anymore. The pain was ripping me apart, and I clung onto his shirt like it was the only thing keeping me from sliding off the face of the earth. "De, please make it go away."

Dean looked at me like I'd just asked him to give me the world, and I suppose in a way, I had. Christian had been my world, and Dean couldn't give me him just as much as he couldn't give the literal planet. It wasn't going to ever happen, and I had the rest of my life to deal with it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's note: I don't own anything having to do with Supernatural only Abigail, Emma and Christian belong to me. **

**Did you notice the little but wonderful change in the summary for this story?...Yes, that is right, xoloveJBox and I will be finishing this story together so remember to praise her in your reviews for her greatness :)**

Chapter 6

Dean had suggested bringing me back to the motel but I felt compelled to go to the diner, I don't know if it was because that's where Emma was, or where the rest of my support system was or just the mere fact that I really couldn't stand to make any decision right at this moment no matter how miniscule. We pulled up to the diner and much like at the cemetery Dean came around and opened my door for me, but this time instead of offering his arm he held out his hand and I took it without a second thought. I felt like I was on autopilot as he helped me out of the car and guided me inside with his hand gently on my back. A few people turned their attention to us as we made our way in, I knew my face was flush and eyes bright red from crying. I kept my gaze on the floor trying to avoid making eye contact with anyone. I looked up for a brief second so I could locate Emma and when I did I saw her in Dad's arms, holding her teddy bear in one arm and sucking her thumb with a vacant expression, it pained me to see her like that, my little fire ball of emotion and energy looked as broken as I felt.

"Here," Dean said pulling out a chair for me next to Sam and helping me to sit down, "I'm going to go get you something to drink and Sam's going to sit with you, ok?"

I nodded, any other day I would have no problem sitting next to Sam, hell I probably would have sat on his lap just to annoy him, but today was different for some reason the second Dean was out of arm's reach I became nervous and panicky like I had been left all alone and I started coming apart at the seams. Sam didn't seem to notice nor did anyone else, especially Tim, one of Christian's military buddies, as he walked over to talk to me.

"Abigail, I'm so sorry for your loss," he started and I gave a half smile that didn't reach my eyes so he knew I'd heard him, I didn't trust my voice to say anything at the moment and he continued, "The paper didn't…I mean I don't want to upset you…I just…how did it happen?" It was almost sweet that he'd tried to find a more delicate way to ask, but there really was no way to go about these things, and that knowledge certainly did nothing to make me feel better.

I had no idea what Dad had told people, if he'd told them anything at all, and I assume within the last four days he had told me, most likely several times, but all I could think about was the glass and drops of blood on Emma's floor, seeing him tied to the chair and literally dying underneath my hands as I tired to get the blood to circulate throughout his body. The images played on a loop, ripping at my head and my heart, and every other particle of my being, and I couldn't take it, I got out of the chair and bolted out the front door frantically searching for air. I only got about thirty feet out the door before I doubled over, holding myself up with my hands on my knees.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's going on?" Sam asked putting his hands on either side of my face trying to figure out how to help me.

"Can't…breathe…" I managed to get out as I gasped for air.

"What happened?" I heard Dean ask as he jogged over to us.

"I don't know," Sam answered worriedly, thought his voice was starting to sound distant and tinny. I just about felt his hand on my elbow to make sure I wasn't going to fall over, "I think she's having a panic attack or something."

I was starting to get light headed from breathing so quickly and swayed precariously on my feet. To be honest if it wasn't for Sam still holding onto me I would have been kissing the concrete.

"Alright, sit her down," Dean instructed taking a hold of my other arm and carefully lowering me to the ground.

"De," I nearly whimpered, scared of being left alone, as I reached a shaky hand out for him.

"Should I go get Dad?" Sam questioned, sounding like a little kid again. It never ceased to amaze me that even at our ages; we still sought parental guidance and comfort when things went wrong. And my whole world felt wrong, like it was collapsing around me and there was nothing I, or anyone else, could do about it.

"No, it's alright Sammy," Dean assured him, pulling me closer to himself again, "I've got her." He ran his hands comfortingly up and down my arms, though I only needed him to be close. That was it. "You're going to be ok Abs, I've got you." He murmured into the top of my head as he rocked us both gently.

"Don't leave," I pleaded so softly that I didn't think he heard me, I wasn't even sure if the words had come out of my mouth but they were certainly screaming in my head, reverberating on the sides of my skull: _don't leave me, everyone always leaves me_.

He must have heard me though because he held me tighter and ran a hand through my hair, "I'm not going anywhere." He cooed gently in my ear, and his voice was so firm and full of promise that I was almost tempted to believe him. Ever fiber of my being wanted to believe him, I was always the one that tried to see the good in life. But I'd long since come to the conclusion that no matter how hard we try, how hard we fight, we're almost always alone. The world had a nasty habit of tricking you into believing otherwise, letting you find someone that fills the void you didn't know you had until you met them, but it never changed. It was almost like the world was being run by a spoilt sadistic child, intent on making people miserable.

Needless to say, they were succeeding quite terrifically.

The wall I worked so hard to build, the wall I worked so hard to keep up had crumbled beyond the point of repair as I started sobbing uncontrollably again. Right there in the middle of the day, on the sidewalk, in my brother's arms but I didn't care. I had no strength left to care. Sam still looked like he was unsure of what to do but it was obvious he wanted to do something, anything to make me feel better, it was the first time he saw me break down and not just in the last couple of days but in our whole lives. Sure he had seen me shed a few tears on occasion like when one of us got hurt or on mom's birthday but never the heart wrenching cries that were escaping me now.

"I'm going to go tell Dad we're leaving," Sam announced definitively, standing up and hurrying back towards the diner.

"Shh," Dean tried to calm me down for the second time that day, definitely not the last. But when I wouldn't _-couldn't-_ stop crying, he bundled me up and carried me to the safety and comforting familiarity of the Impala.

The ride back to the motel room was stiflingly silent as I sat between my two brothers in the front seat. I saw Sam reach for my hand several times but he always pulled it away at the last second. If I had been thinking clearly I would have taken away his agony of trying to decide what to do and just taken his hand in mine but all I could do is stare out the windshield.

We had been back in the room for about an hour when Dad came back with Emma, just long enough for me to feel numb again. I was sitting on one of the beds with my back up against the wall dressed in the most comfortable clothes I owned; a sweatshirt and jeans which Sam had taken out for me when we got back.

"Momma, why did you leave me at the diner?" Emma questioned walking over to Sam and I could hear the pain in her voice.

"She didn't leave you," Sam answered quickly, so that I didn't have to, scooping her up in his arms, "You were there with papa and your teddy."

"Daddy gave me this teddy," she said softly as a few tears started rolling down her cheeks again.

"I know, I was there," Sam smiled gently wiping the tears away, "He gave you that teddy bear the first day you were born."

She nodded her head a little, she had heard the story a million times but it was one of her favorites and definitely one of mine, "You know he only has one eye 'cause the mud made him sick…I don't let him play in the dirt anymore."

It was true, she carried that thing every where with her even into the mud puddle that she decided to jump in so when she went to sleep that night Christian tried putting it in the washing machine but when it came out somehow one of the buttons got loose and fell off. He put the bear back in bed with her after running it through the dryer and told her the next morning that her bear had gotten very sick but that he had contacted a teddy bear doctor and they said he would be ok as long as he stayed away from all dirt, mud and anything else that would make him need a bath. At the time I did all I could to hide my giggles as he told her this with such sincerity but I must say that a year later and I haven't had to wash the bear since.

The room was quiet a minute, the only sound being the commercial on the television about some new invention, when Emma broke the silence.

"Uncle Sammy, I love having sleep-overs and I don't want you to leave…but when can we go home?" she almost pleaded with him wanting him to get up right at that very second and take her there himself.

"We're not," I said in a monotone voice not taking my eyes off of the television screen. Even without ever changing my glance I could feel the men in the room staring at me in shock.

"We can never go home?" Emma questioned starting the water works again.

But before I had the chance to answer Dad spoke up in his 'I mean business' tone, "Abigail, I need to speak to you outside."

I should have gotten up, I knew better than to ignore what he was saying but I couldn't bring myself to care. So I just looked over to him and half smiled in the feeling of being defiant gave me, "No."

Sam had always been the one to challenge Dad's orders, to disagree with basically everything the man said and did while Dean and I followed like good little soldiers. The look that came across my family's face when I had actually challenged my father was priceless. In another situation, it might have even been amusing.

"Outside. Now," Dad hollered pointing a finger to the door as if I needed hand signals to understand what he was talking about.

I wanted to stand my ground and refuse to move from my spot but I caught Emma's frightened face out of the corner of my eye. I wanted to let myself feel something different, to see what would happen if I defied my father's orders, but I couldn't do that to Emma. She'd already seen too much that she shouldn't have needed to, so I got up and pushed past him as I walked out the door.

"What the hell has gotten into you?" he immediately asked as the door shut. I could see the blinds move slightly and I knew Dean was keeping a close eye on things. "Why aren't you going home?"

It took every ounce of the little self-control I had to not laugh in his face, "Because it isn't home anymore, home is going to be cheap motels and my car…if I ever get it back."

"That is no way to raise that little girl, she needs a home," Dad yelled at me in a tone where normally I would have felt the size of an ant but today something inside me snapped and I actually yelled back.

"A home? After mom died you didn't think I needed a home?" I screamed tears flowing down my cheeks that were turning red with anger, "No! You did everything you could to find the damn demon that did this to our family! I'm going to find it Dad and so help my God when I do I'm not just going to kill it, I'm going to rip it to pieces and make it feel every ounce of pain that I'm going through. I'm going to make it wish that it never decided to come after my daughter!"

I expected him to fight back, hell I half expected to get a smack in the mouth for talking back but when I searched his face for any kind of emotion the only one I could find was worry.

"The demon's after her?" he asked softly before regaining the volume in his voice, exasperation seeping through, "You knew the demon might be coming for her and you said nothing? Nothing at all to me or your brothers?"

"I've been a little preoccupied Dad because if you've forgotten we buried my husband today," I nearly spat in his face. The anger that I had used to keep myself together had dissipated and the grief crept back in its place. Without a word to my Dad I turned and walked back in the room needing my security, needing Dean. I wandered over to him like a lost puppy and curled up in his lap almost mirroring how Emma was on Sam's.

We all looked over to Dad as he walked in the room with a look of determination etched into his tired features, "Boys, your sister and Emma will be hitting the road with you."


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note: We don't own anything having to do with Supernatural only Abigail, Emma and Christian belong to us.**

**Hey everyone! Sorry it's been awhile between different time zones, college, and let's face it life in general we've both been crazy busy but here's the next chapter! Don't forget to read and review :)**

Chapter 7

It was official; the life I never wanted my daughter to be apart of had very much become her world. While my brothers were busy worrying about Emma and myself, I was more concerned about finding the demon that did this to my family, that did this to me. Everyday I would plaster on my fake smile, answer their same questions with lies that I was doing better, feed Emma breakfast and spend the whole day at the library doing research before coming home to give her a bath and put her to bed. Once she was asleep I would tell the boys that I needed to drive to clear my head and I would go to the local bar and drink until I felt even an ounce of the comfort I was looking for. It had become my new routine, my new normal especially since I had gotten my car back and no longer needed to ask permission to leave like some child. I had lied to my family so much that I actually started to believe that I actually was. It felt like I was slowly turning into a robot, my actions and thoughts becoming more and more autonomous, but it was either that, or let myself _feel_, and I just wasn't ready for that. Not yet and certainly not anytime soon.

After Dad filled the boys in that whatever demon killed Christian was also after  
Emma they wanted to leave town right away but I couldn't just up and run. I needed to be here in case the thing came back, I needed to be here to check and double check and triple check everything and anything from weather reports to obituaries trying to figure out how to track down the evil son of a bitch.

The only thing that was keeping me going was my anger and I was angry at everyone. At my Dad as I basically followed in his footsteps, at Sam for the countless times he told me Christian wouldn't want me doing this, at Dean for introducing me to Christian in the first place, at Emma for being able to handle all of this better than I could and at Christian for leaving me behind to deal with all of this on my own but mostly at myself. I was the one who had tricked myself into believing that I could have the normal, apple-pie life I'd always secretly wanted, and now Christian had paid the price for it.

For whatever reason one night I decided to drive home instead of going back to the motel room. I unlocked the front door and flipped the lights on, it was all so surreal. I hadn't been back in the house since the night Christian was taken and I don't know why coming back sounded like a good idea but I took in my surroundings as if I was walking into someone else's home and someone else's life. The happiness on our faces in the pictures on the walls infuriated me and I snatched them off the wall and threw them to the floor the glass shattering at my feet but the smiles remained staring up at me, taunting me that they were happy, that I was once that happy. I don't know what made me think to light a match but as I watched the pictures go up in flames and the smiles finally disappear I found myself wanting more, needing more destruction of the life we had worked so hard to build. I didn't want reminding that I would never have it again, that Christian was gone, and with him a piece of me too. He'd left a gaping void in my chest, a black hole of despair and I knew I'd ever find something to fill it again.

I grabbed the bottle of wine we had stored above the stove in the back corner of the cabinet; it was something we were supposed to share on our tenth wedding anniversary. The idea of it sounded stupid now, that we might have been lucky enough to get that far. The thought left a bitter taste in my mouth, and in some feeble attempt to squelch it, I wandered upstairs and I poured some on our bed and lit another match. As the fire grew and the flames danced up the wall it reached our family portrait we had done a few months ago. I watched our faces burn away and I couldn't take it anymore, I pulled out the cell phone Sam had insisted on buying me. It only rang twice before Sam answered.

"Abs?" He questioned, like he was checking, like he couldn't believe I had actually called him. His voice was thick like he'd just woken up but it hadn't occurred to me that he might be sleeping. I couldn't even bring myself to care anymore.

"I lied to you," I barely whispered as I took a step back from the fire.

"What are you talking about?" he questioned with the worry evident in his voice.

"I'm not ok," I admitted as I felt the lump in my throat growing, "I'm scared."

"Where are you?" he asked urgently and I swore I could hear him pulling his boots on.

"I don't know anymore," I cried letting the tears flow down my cheeks as I lifted the wine bottle to my lips and took a long swig. I didn't even know why I called Sam in the first place, even when we were younger whenever I had a problem or was afraid of something I always went to Dean and he had always made it better. The only thing I could think of was that maybe, just maybe, Sam would understand the same pain I was going through.

The smoke started to cling to my face and clothes, twisting around my throat and pulling tight, like fingers dancing around my skin. If I had been thinking clearly I would have tried to put the growing fire out, I would have tried to get away from the smoke that was burning my lungs but instead a slid down the wall and just watched as my world went up in flames. It was too dark and energy-consuming to even try and move. Why would I bother? Without me, Emma might have a chance. Dean could take her somewhere safe and away from the life that I was so desperate for her to avoid, though I'd been sucked in again now, and I had no idea how to keep her from the downfall. They'd have a backyard, with a swing set. Maybe a sand pit. If Sammy went with them they could get a dog, a big one that would protect them with his life but was soft and gentle around Emma. I was so busy fantasizing about the life she could have without me around that I didn't feel myself drifting away but I did hear music start playing.

_She's a got a way about her. I don't know what it is but I know that I can't live without her. She's got a way of pleasin' I don't know what it is but there doesn't have to be a reason anyway._

It was the first verse of Billy Joel's, 'She's got a way'; it was the first verse of the song we danced to at our wedding. I let the music take me further into the darkness, wanting to be taken back to one of the happiest days of my life.

_She's got a smile that heals me. I don't know why it is but I have to laugh when she reveals me. She's got a way of talkin' I don't know why it is but it lifts me up when we are walkin' anywhere._

I was standing in the middle of the dance floor dressed in the simple white dress I had worn that day, the material easily moving as I swayed my hips to the song I would never forget. I opened my eyes expecting to see my Dad quickly wiping away a few tears that had managed to escape as he watched us, Dean chatting up the bartender putting his 'monkey suit' to good use, Sam clicking away at the camera not wanting to miss the smile that never left my face that day and Christian's military friends lining the walls looking like toy soldiers. But when I looked around the room I was completely alone and my smile started to fall until one word put it right back.

"Hey beautiful."

I turned to see Christian walking to the center of the dance floor and wrapping his arms around my waist as he got closer. My heart skipped a beat when I threw my arms around his neck, he was really here this wasn't just some dream; it had all been some cruel joke that had been played on me.

"God I've missed you," I whispered trying to blink back the tears that were filling my eyes and the happiness that was filling the hole in my heart.

"Abby, I don't have much time, there's something you need to know," he started as we moved along with the music.

"What's that?" I questioned not really listening to what he was saying; I was so content in just being in his arms again, I didn't have a care in the world.

"The demon that came for Emma," he continued. I immediately froze and pulled back so I could look him in the eyes.

"No," I shook my head not wanting to believe it, this roller coaster of emotions wasn't fun and I needed a way to get off, "That's not real, this is."

"Beautiful," he said taking one of his hands to brush some hair behind my ear, "You need to protect her, he said he knew you and was back for revenge but that's all I could get out of him."

"Revenge? Revenge for what?" I questioned but instead of an answer he kissed my forehead before leaning down kissing me on the lips. I closed my eyes not wanting the moment to end but when I felt him pull away I opened my eyes to see me standing in the room all alone again.

"Christian!" I called out frantically running around trying to find where he went, trying desperately to follow him but every door and every window I tried wouldn't budge.

"Chris!" I screamed and jolted upright in the backseat of the Impala completely out of breath. I started coughing trying to expel the remaining smoke from my lungs and squinted my eyes as the sun shone brightly through the windows.

I noticed Dean was driving with music playing softly in the background, the car never swerved at my little outburst, he didn't even look back in the mirror at me, he just kept driving like he always did when he was pissed off at me but at that second I didn't care like I normally did. He could go ahead and be mad at me. He could never be as mad at me as I was at myself. Sam however was turned around in the front seat watching me carefully with sad eyes. I caught Emma out of the corner of my eye coloring not even fazed by my outburst, which I thought was strange, I figured she would have been scared, hell I figured she would have even noticed but she just sat there coloring in her picture, like this whole damn mess was just ordinary to her.

"You alright?" Sam asked gently already knowing the answer and I swear I could hear Dean give a small scoff.

"Yeah," I lied and ran a hand through my hair when Emma suddenly put her crayon down and looked over to me.

"It's ok momma, daddy visits me in my dreams too." She told me off-handishly, like it was no big deal.

I blinked across at her dazedly. Was she serious? All I could hear in my head was Christian's words resonating around my skull. They weren't dream words, they were real, and completely relevant and terrifyingly important. I had to know what Christian had told Emma while she slept too and I had to know now.

"Pull over," I ordered quietly because if I wasn't careful I was going to totally lose it.

"What?" Dean barked, glancing at me bemusedly through the rear view mirror.

"Pull over the goddamn car!" I yelled back, filled now with a sense of urgent desperation.

At my frenzied demand, the car swerved violently, coming to a halting stop at the side of the road. I threw open the door, pulling Emma out with me as she let out a whine when her crayons scattered over the floor and backseat of the car. I placed shaky hands on her arm and held her firmly next to the car, crouching down to look her straight in the eyes. I could hear my brothers shouting confused protests at me, but I ignored them easily, too caught up in the remnants of my dream to care about anything else.

"Emma, baby, I need you to tell me what daddy says to you," I told her seriously, and she looked at me like I was completely crazy so I tried to clarify, "What does daddy say in your dreams?"

"He just pushes me on the swings and sometimes he brings me a flower," she replied looking at me terrified that she had given the wrong answer.

Dean strode over to us looking royally pissed off. He grabbed my wrists and made me step back before he put a gentle hand on Emma's shoulder and plastered a casual grin on his face.

"Em, sweetheart, why don't you get back in the car, huh? Help Uncle Sammy pick up all those crayons," he suggested, though Emma's eyes flickered over to me a few times. Dean noticed and gave her shoulder an encouraging squeeze, "You can even choose the music too, if you want."

"Really, Uncle Dean?" She questioned with disbelief.

"Absolutely," Dean assured her and we both watched as Emma scurried off excitedly to the front seat of the Impala ready to raid Dean's box of cassette tapes. It never failed to amaze me that me little four year old girl could inherit her uncle's taste in classic and heavy metal rock music, but she had.

We waited until the car door shut again, and we could hear Emma burbling away happily to Sam who pretended to listen to her every word as he watched us carefully before Dean turned to me with a stern glare.

"What the hell is wrong with you Abigail?" he all but spat at me, and I shrunk under his gaze feeling like I was the little kid again. It was only now starting to catch up on me how ridiculously I'd acted, how much I'd ruined things for everyone around me.

"I need to go back to the house," I blurted out, throwing the thoughts forcefully from my head before I could forget them, "I need to clean up the mess I made."

"It's all gone Abby," Dean told me in a harshly blunt tone, "There's nothing left. You destroyed it all. God knows how me and Sammy managed to get you out before you went with it. If you hadn't called him when you did…"

"You should have just left me," I whispered thinking back to the life Emma could have had if I wasn't around, the life I knew they would make sure she would have.

"What?" Dean questioned, despite the fact that I know he had heard me.

"Nothing," I sighed dejectedly and walked back around to my side of the car but Dean didn't budge he just stood there and stared at me, "You coming or do you want me to drive?"

He stood there for another second before shaking his head and getting back in the car.

"Uncle Dean, where are we going?" Emma asked as I buckled her back into her booster seat.

"We're going to meet papa at a friend's house in South Dakota," he replied, forcing false nonchalance into his tone, only looking back at me to make sure she was buckled before pulling back out onto the road. For hours nobody spoke, the only sounds coming from the tinny stereo and Emma humming along, but then again, what exactly was there to say?


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note: We don't own anything having to do with Supernatural, trust me if we did we would be very happy girls! Only Abigail, Emma and Christian belong to us.**

**I know it's been forever! Thank you for sticking with us, it might take us awhile to update but we aren't giving up on this!**

Chapter 8

Spending hours cooped up in the backseat of the Impala was driving me absolutely insane. Growing up it had been the closest thing to a home we ever had, with Sam and me playing some game he had made up in the backseat, while Dean and Dad talked about whatever job we were going to go work next. That was until we got older and Dad gave the Impala to Dean. Then he would crank the rock and roll music while Sam daydreamed of the day he could get away from this life. Back then, I would sit in the passenger seat, not knowing my life could be any different and try desperately to fall asleep. Thinking about that made me wish I could go back to then, being blissfully unaware of the heartache a normal life would bring me one day. I also couldn't stop thinking about what Christian had told me, that whatever demon was after Emma was doing it for revenge. Part of me wanted to tell my brothers so they could help me figure out what demon we were dealing with, most likely it was some demon I had exorcised when I was with one of them since I hadn't hunted in four years, but how exactly do you explain that your dead husband gave you the information without them thinking you need to be committed to a rubber room?

"Momma," Emma started breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah," I answered wearily, running a hand over my face trying to stay awake.

"Uncle Dean doesn't know the star song, will you sing it to me?" she asked, her eyes as round as saucers with hope.

"Momma doesn't really feel like singing right now, baby," I told her as gently as I could, though it still earned me a nasty look in the rearview mirror from Dean that I just as easily returned. How could I sit there and sing her a song that tells her dreams come true when mine own turned into a horrid nightmare?

"Ok," she sighed dejectedly and kicked her feet back and forth trying to find someway of entertaining herself. She was doing great for a kid her age but she wasn't used sitting still for so long, "Uncle Sammy…I'm bored."

"Let's play 'I spy'," Sam suggested, trying to sound enthusiastic, but being in the car for so long was starting to take its toll on us all, and there was only so much excitement he could muster up to play with a four year old, no matter how much he loved his niece. Sam turned slightly in his seat so he could see Emma better but when his eyes met mine he gave me the millionth sad smile since my little outburst on the side of the road, "I'll start, I spy something black."

"Uncle Dean's 'pala!" Emma squealed excitedly and I didn't miss the small, almost proud smirk that played on Dean's lips because it was her first answer.

"Good job, Em," Sam praised her, "ok now it's your turn."

"I spy something green," she stated, clasping her hands together and resting them on her lap.

Sam guessed everything from the grass, to the signs on the side of the road, and a passing car but every time he got it wrong she would shake her head and laugh that she had stumped him. Dean even guessed her green crayon, thinking he had it right, but again she just shook her head. I had to admit even though I wasn't playing I was getting more curious about what she had picked and almost thought maybe she didn't fully understand the rules of the game.

"I give up," Sam finally declared throwing his arms up slightly, and under different circumstances I would have laughed that his four year old niece could beat him in a game of 'I spy', "What is it?"

"Momma's ring," she answered matter-of-factly pointing to the emerald engagement ring Christian had given me, "Your turn Uncle Sammy."

"I spy something yellow," he continued quickly, though I could feel his gaze on me waiting to see what I was going to do, as if the mention of anything having to do with him was going to make me fall apart.

Even Dean glanced back in the rearview mirror expecting some kind of reaction from me, but I just gave Emma a small smile that I knew didn't reach my eyes and absently twirled the ring between my fingers. I found myself thinking about one of the happiest days of my life, the day he had given it to me, down on one knee with hands slightly trembling afraid of what my answer would be though there was never a doubt in my mind.

The rest of the ride to Bobby's was pretty uneventful though we had to make a few extra stops so Emma could stretch her legs, use the bathroom and beg her uncles for sweets. They of course took one look at her puppy dog eyes and gave right in forgetting the fact we were still going to be stuck in a car and that no matter how much she looked like Christian, she had my energy. Or the energy I used to have when I was her age.

"Papa's here?" Emma questioned when we finally arrived around dinner time, looking out the window at the salvage yard my brothers and I had spent countless nights at in our younger years.

"Should be," Dean answered simply as he parked the car.

Emma earnestly unbuckled her seatbelt and leapt out of the car without a second thought, bounding across the gravel, holding her teddy bear loosely being held in her hand as she stopped suddenly and squealed, causing the three of us to run after her our senses being on hyper-alert.

"A doggy!" she exclaimed excitedly, dropping her bear and wrapping her small arms around the dog's large neck.

"Son of a…" Dean breathed out running a hand through his hair, "Really gets your heart going doesn't it?"

"Yeah," Sam agreed with a deep sigh.

"Dean, where's my car?" I asked, realizing for the first time that I had no idea what had happened to it after the fire.

"We got rid of it," he replied shortly.

"You what?" I questioned the anger quickly simmering inside of me. He had no right to keep treating me like a child and I'd had enough.

"What do you want from me Abigail?" he demanded in a deep growl, glancing over to Emma who was happily letting Rumsfeld, the dog, slobber on her face. "One minute you are destroying a motel room, then you are breaking down in the middle of the street and the next you burn your house down! I don't know what to expect from you!"

"Dean," Sam interjected, trying to calm him down, while giving me another sad smile. I loved my little brother with all my heart and would literally give my last breath to save him, but if he didn't stop with the sympathetic smiles I was going to make sure he would never smile again.

"No, Sam," Dean continued sharply, "She wants to throw a tantrum and act like her four year-old daughter then that's how I'm going to treat her."

"Screw you, asshole," I hissed venomously, the words rolling right off my tongue with almost a little too much ease as both brothers stared at me with surprise at my choice of words. "I'm so angry I could kill somebody! I'm alone and it doesn't matter what I do or what I don't, he's not here."

"Abby," my father called out from behind me and I instantly closed my eyes and lowered my head, "Boys, take Emma inside to meet Bobby, he was trying to find some of your old toys for her to play with. Abigail and I are going to take a walk."

I stood motionlessly as Sam and Dean ushered Emma inside with them. Before she disappeared through the door, Emma shot me a look of a mixture of what I saw as confusion and disappointment in me, seeing her look at me like that made my chest ache. She wasn't supposed to look at me like that, like she'd realized I couldn't fix everything. She was supposed to be a lot older before that notion came crashing into her world like a meteor.

Dad motioned with his head for me to join him and as we got further away from the house I expect the yelling to come, for the disappointment to ooze out of him and for him to make me feel like I was horrible parent but his voice came out smooth and gentle, "You know the worst thing for a parent, second after losing a child? Watching your child head for the same life you had and you can't do anything to stop it. It's a terrible, helpless feeling. Makes you angry all the time and I've been angry a very long time."

"Dad, I-" I huffed out, cutting him off because I seriously wasn't in the mood.

"No Abigail, just listen to me for a minute, would you?" He interjected before I had time to protest again. "You want Emma to have the same kind of life you and your brothers had?"

"Of course I don't," I replied incredulously, and more than a little irritably. My dad _knew_ that I didn't, the countless arguments we had when I was growing up proved that, so why were we wasting time going over the same things?

"Well, that's what's going to happen if you don't snap out of this."

Dad's blunt words hurt, and I didn't want to accept what he was saying, but deep down we both knew he was right, and lord knows he knew what he was talking about.

I couldn't bring myself to say anything so I stayed silent and Dad carried on. "Your brothers and I are here to look out for Emma until you sort yourself out, but sooner or later you're going to have to pick yourself up and go home Abs. Christian kept himself in the life so that you didn't have to, and he wouldn't want you to give up the life you both made for Em to go on some revenge crusade."

I could feel my eyes filling with tears, but I tried not to let them fall.

Well, that didn't last long.

"I don't have a home anymore." The tears spilled over my cheeks, hot and heavy, and I waited for Dad to snap at me to stop. But he didn't. Instead, he reached out and pulled me close to his chest, letting me sob until they subsided to angry, choked coughs.

Afterwards, we slowly made our way into the familiar house, and we found Emma stuffing her cheese covered cheeks with macaroni.

"She definitely has the Winchester appetite," Bobby chuckled, greeting me with a quick hug before leaning against the kitchen counter and watching as she shoveled another spoonful into her already full mouth.

"Emma Deanne, chew," Dean told her walking over to the old refrigerator, pouring her a small cup of milk and placing it in front of her. "When you're done it's time for bed."

"But Uncle Dean," she started to whine but all he had to do was raise an eyebrow to her, challenging her to continue, before she loudly sighed and stuck another spoonful into her mouth almost spitefully. Yup, she was my kid, with my attitude.

"Ok, kiddo, your bed is all set up and your pajamas are laying on your pillow," Sam announced joining us in the kitchen and turning to smile at me once again, like it was the only thing he knew had to do anymore.

I sat down tiredly at the table next to Emma, wanting nothing more than to melt into the chair and escape the tension that was in the air. The newspaper was thrown carelessly on the table and one of the headlines caught my attention. _Serial Killer Strikes Another State. _I picked the paper up to skim through the article that explained how children between the ages of two and five were being taken from their beds in the middle of the night. The first was in Pennsylvania, the second in Ohio, the third Illinois, and the last one was in Iowa two days ago. The puzzle pieces started fitting together quicker than my brain could process, this was my demon and it was following us.

"Abigail!" Dean growled loudly and when I put the paper down I realized everyone was staring at me waiting for an answer.

"What?" I asked having missed whatever the question was in the first place.

"Emma was talking to you," Dean replied motioning to Em who was sitting on her chair swinging her feet back and forth, looking at me expectantly with a clean face.

"Can you sing me the star song now?" she repeated and it only took one look from Dad to remind me that I wasn't going to become the parent he was.

"Yeah," I nodded and couldn't miss the surprised and pleased look that came across Dean's face. "Go put your pajamas on, try to go potty and I'll be right up."

"Yay!" She squealed in delight, jumping down from her chair and running up the stairs.

Bobby grabbed a few more beers out of the refrigerator and passed them around trying to get the attention of my family off of me, who seemed frozen in their places with their eyes on me. Smiling thankfully at him for the distraction, I took a long swig before standing up and heading upstairs.

Emma was waiting for me on her bed with her nightgown on backwards but the innocence in her eyes stopped me from correcting it as I tucked her under the covers.

"When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are, anything your heart desires will come to you," I sang running my fingers through her hair, "if your heart is in your dream, no request is too extreme, when you wish upon a star as dreamers do."

Before I had the chance to start the next verse, her breathing had evened out and she was peacefully sleeping. I sat there a few extra minutes just watching her, thinking about what I had read in the paper and everything my Dad had said to me earlier. That's when I made my mind up, I was going to live the normal life I had always wanted. I was going to do anything and everything in my power to make sure Emma kept her innocence as long as she could _after_ I killed the demon.

I leaned down and kissed her forehead, "Daddy is watching over you."

Making my way back downstairs I stopped on the bottom step, not intending on eavesdropping but curious nonetheless on what they were talking about.

"I'm telling you the other shoe is going to drop, something needs to be done," I heard Dean say and I could almost visualize him running a hand over his face in defeat.

"Like what?" Sam questioned.

"She needs some stability," Dean answered in a loud whisper that I had to strain to hear.

"Well she is welcome to stay here as long as she needs or wants," Bobby offered, "They both are. I know it's not much but that little one seems like she can get along fine just about anywhere."

"That she can," my father sighed, "it's Abigail I'm worried about."

That was the last thing I heard as I tiptoed to the front door, silently praying the old floor wouldn't creek giving me away. I easily slipped into the front seat of my dad's truck, thankful he had left the keys in the ignition, and drove away from the salvage yard.

I knew Emma would be safe where she was, there wasn't any place safer than at Bobby's with a houseful of hunters, each who would give their life for her. With Emma safe I could concentrate solely on the demon, promising myself that when he was killed I would get her back to the normal life she deserved but the freedom I felt driving down the highway may have different plans for me.

I got a motel room a couple towns over to get some sleep and start fresh in the morning. The moment my head hit the pillow I was asleep and dreaming.

"Abs," Christian called out as I sat on a bench in a park we had frequented.

"Hey there," I smiled, the hole in my heart filling as I saw him run over to me.

"It's not safe!" he quickly told me pulling me to my feet.

"What? What's going on?" I asked looking around at the other families, all who were smiling and happy.

"Wake up!" He shouted shaking my shoulders.

I shot up in bed, breathing heavily, when I noticed the door to my motel room was cracked open.

"I was wondering when I would get you alone," a voice from the corner of the room spoke up and as he switched the light on I saw his black eyes. "Nice to see you again, Winchester."


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's note: We don't own anything having to do with Supernatural, trust me if we did we would be very happy girls! Only Abigail, Emma and Christian belong to us.**

**There are no words for how sorry we haven't updated in forever. There will probably be one or two more chapters left before we wrap this up. As always please read and review!**

Chapter 9

**General Point of View**

"I'm telling you the other shoe is going to drop, something needs to be done," Dean brought up while taking a long swig from his beer.

"Like what?" Sam questioned taking a seat at the table across from his brother.

"She needs some stability," Dean answered in a loud whisper motioning to the upstairs where his sister was tucking in his niece, or so he thought.

"Well she is welcome to stay here as long as she needs or wants," Bobby offered, "They both are. I know it's not much but that little one seems like she can get along fine just about anywhere."

"That she can," John sighed running a tired hand over his face, "it's Abigail I'm worried about."

"It's still all very fresh for her. She needs time to figure out how to deal with it all," Sam tried to explain to the men in the room, thinking about his own loss though he and Jessica never had a child to worry about.

"That's the problem though," John spoke up again, "she isn't trying to deal with it and I don't know if I like where her head is at right now. We're going to have to keep a close eye on her."

The brothers nodded, already having planned to do that, when they heard the unmistakable sound of tires on the gravel. They all ran out the front door in time to see the dust settling back down on the driveway.

"Other shoe!" Dean yelled motioning to where the truck had disappeared.

Sam had agreed to stay with Bobby in case Emma woke up while Dean and John got into the Impala to go looking for Abigail.

Not knowing where Abigail had gone or why Dean started in the direction that they had come from thinking maybe she was going back to New York.

Sam tried her cell phone several times but each time it went directly to voice mail. He paced the living room mentally kicking himself for not saying something to her, anything that might have helped, when an ear piercing scream came from Emma's room. Both hunters immediately took the stairs two at a time thinking the worst when they entered the small girl's room.

"Emma, what happened?" Sam asked breathlessly as he scooped her up in his arms holding her close to his chest while Bobby did a quick sweep of the room.

"Momma's in trouble, Uncle Sammy, momma's in big trouble," she cried her whole little body trembling with fear.

"Why do you say that?" Sam questioned rubbing small circles on her back trying desperately to calm her down before she made herself sick.

"Daddy told me."

**Abigail's Point of View**

"I was wondering when I would get you alone," a voice from the corner of the room spoke up and as he switched the light on I saw his black eyes. "Nice to see you again, Winchester."

"Well, here I am," I plastered on a smile as I got off the bed in hopes of showing I wasn't afraid of him.

"Pretty reckless running off on your own like that, I thought your daddy would have taught you better but I guess revenge can be a pretty good motivator, can't it?" He said crossing his arms over his chest.

"Why are you doing this to my family? Why do you want my daughter? Why did you take my husband away? What do you want from me?" I shouted my breathing getting more staggered with each question as the anger boiled inside of me.

"I didn't know we were playing twenty questions. I'm not one for games. I'll make it easy, I want you."

"Why?"

"Because like I said revenge is a great motivator and you are going to feel every ounce of pain my brother felt when you tortured him for information," he told me with a sickening smirk on his face as he advanced on me knocking me back against the wall.

"Nope, not ringing any bells." I forced out on a huff as I felt all the air leave my lungs with a whoosh. "You're brother couldn't have been very useful to us. Maybe I just did it for fun."

I knew I was probably treading a thin and dangerous line, but I couldn't bring myself to care anymore. Chris was gone with no chance of ever coming back, and Emma was safe with Sam and Dean. Maybe it would even give my brothers the chance to start the normal life they both needed and deserved.

Pain washed over me in agonizing waves as the demon's eyes all but burned red while he shot me death glares, watching me with gleeful maliciousness as I squirmed against the wall.

"Is that all you've got?" I panted, trying to laugh in an attempt to show him he wasn't winning, but he only grinned at me.

"Oh little girl," he tutted, shaking his head "I'm only just getting started…"

**General P.O.V.**

"No Dad, I don't know where she might have gone!" Dean yelled after his father had once again asked him. The road whizzed past them in a blur as they sped down the road, though they had no real destination in mind. Only desperation to find Abigail.

"Well think Dean, think!" John hollered back, irritation lacing his tone. Dean seethed as he tried to think of an answer, angry not only at his father for repeatedly asking him the same questions, but also at himself for not having any answers to give him. However, before he managed to say anything in response, his phone shrilled in his pocket, and he dig it out quickly, momentarily glancing at the screen and breathing a small, somewhat apprehensive sigh of relief at the sight of Sam's name.

"What's going on?" he asked hurriedly "Please tell me she's come back?"

"No she hasn't." Sam blurted, sounding flustered, "but dude, you've got to get back here. Emma's freaking out; she says that Abby's in trouble. I've never seen her so scared before."

"How the hell does she know that?" Dean exclaimed incredulously though he couldn't miss the desperate cries coming from his niece somewhere in the background.

"I don't know, man. She says Christian told her, but she was sleeping so it must have been a dream. I think the only way to get her to calm down is to find Abby and bring her back. We can cover more ground if you come and pick me up and the three of us take separate cars."

"Yeah, alright Sammy, we'll be right there." Dean assured him. John had heard some of the conversation and was already doubling back to the salvage yard.

**Abigail's P.O.V.**

My breaths came out labored as used the back of my hand to wipe the blood from my mouth. "I don't know," I pushed myself off the floor, "I thought torture was supposed to be painful, that barely tickled." The demon's eyes turned black with anger as he pulled a knife from his jacket. "Oh, now we get to play with toys too?"

"You are going to be praying for daddy to come save you when I'm peeling the skin from your bones," he seethed taking a step closer to me.

"Go ahead," I almost dared him. I wasn't just going to roll over and let him win, I was going to fight but truly not caring if I came out of this alive or not made my every move less calculated than it should have been.

The demon slashed my arms a few times and I had to bite my bottom lip from screaming out in pain. That's when I saw a sickeningly sweet smile spread across his face. "I've got an idea." I watched as he walked over to the bedside table and turned my cell phone on before tossing it in my direction landing right by my feet. "A brother for a brother."

"What?" I questioned, ignoring the stinging in my arms and the pain in my heart.

"Only seems fair. I mean you destroyed my brother, I should have the chance to return the favor. I'll even let you choose which one will die along side their sister."

"No," I growled, this was not part of the plan. "You have me, you do whatever you have to but you leave my family alone."

"Choose or I go after little Emma…again," he smirked bending down to grab my phone. He held it out to me as he put the knife to my throat. "What's it going to be? Your brother or your daughter?"

**General P.O.V.**

The moment John and Dean came through the front door at Bobby's Emma launched herself at Dean's knees holding on for dear life as her tears soaked his jeans in mere seconds.

"Shh," Dean scooped her up in his arms and hugged her tightly, "it's alright, sweetheart, just breathe."

"M-m-momma's in b-b-big t-t-trouble," Emma hiccupped into his shoulder as Dean and Sam shared the same lost look.

"Em, how do you know that?" John asked as gently as he could but time was running against them.

"D-d-daddy told me," she repeated the same thing she had told Sam earlier.

"Did he say anything else? Did he say where you mom is?" John almost demanded but the harshness in his tone scared Emma even more as she clung to Dean looking for comfort. The men in the room barely saw her shake her head 'no' to the questions before starting another crying fit.

"U-u-uncle De, momma's going to leave me like daddy did," Emma sobbed.

Dean had heard enough and he wasn't sure his own heart could take it anymore. He set Emma on the ground and crouched down to her level taking her face gently in his hands using his thumbs to wipe away her tears. "Emma Deanne, I want you to look at me. I'm going to bring your mom home, you hear me? I promise you if it's the last thing I do you will not lose your mom." Dean stood with his hand on her shoulder and through the tears still flowed from her eyes she wasn't as hysterical as she had been. "You're going to stay with Bobby and you're going to watch cartoons while we go get your mom."

Emma looked over warily at the old hunter and Sam picked up on her apprehension. "He's not so scary," he whispered in her ear. "He'll even give you some of the chocolate he keeps hidden in his desk drawer if you ask real nicely."

Bobby glanced up to the clock on the wall trying to pretend he didn't just hear the little conversation.

"Bobby," Dean started.

"I know, boy, I'll keep her safe," Bobby assured him quickly, knowing exactly what the younger man was going to say.

With a nod of acknowledgement, Dean strode purposefully out the door, determination etched into his features as he met his father and brother outside.

The three men spread out, each taking a car and a different direction making sure to check every bar and motel they came across before moving onto the next.

Dean couldn't get Emma's devastated cries out of his head. The only thing he tried to think about was his promise to bring Abigail home but he couldn't help the guilt that filled him. Did he push her into this? Was he too harsh? Should he, as her big brother, done something different to protect her?

He was pulled out of his thoughts as his phone rang. He dug it out of his jacket pocket and answered it without checking who was calling figuring it would be his dad or Sam.

"Yeah?"

"Dean?" Abigail's voice came out broken and weak from the other end, and in his surprise, the car shuddered and veered on to the road slightly until Dean could right it again.

"Abby? Where are you? Are you alright?" Dean demanded his heart feeling as if it would beat out of his chest. Something was definitely wrong.

"I need you to come to The Ponds Motel on route thirty two, I'm in room fifteen…Dean, it's a real funky motel you can't miss it."

And with that the call was dropped. Dean pressed his foot even harder against the gas pedal hearing the old code word they had made up when they were kids, slightly surprised that after all these years Abby still remembered it.

But he quickly pushed the thought from his mind, there was no time to ponder how Abby's memories of their childhood tongue had lasted so long, she needed him and needed him now. Dean knew exactly where to find her and there wasn't a force on the planet that was going to stop him getting to her.


End file.
